We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
