At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Couch. On fire.
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