I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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