I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
