Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
