I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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