Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You should frame my arrest warrant.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
