There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
