Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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