he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
