she was so not down for the gang bang
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
