Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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