I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
