Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
