i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think my moral compass just broke
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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