i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
