i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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