im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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