I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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