i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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