he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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