I want to have your abortion
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
