i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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