Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
