toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
