So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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