you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
