i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
