my shit smells like andre
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
