Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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