At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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