Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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