Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
