i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
