I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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