He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
