so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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