Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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