I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
