Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
