That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
