You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
