I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
