this just has baby written all over it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
