dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
