When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
