Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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