I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
