sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
