My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
