so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
