I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
