sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
