there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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